Holy fark!

Meh!  What a day, where do I begin???

First session with counsellor for my post natal depression….  Uncomfortable having to talk to her, how the fuck do I know “what I want to talk about”?  I thought that’s what she was there for, I don’t know where to start!

Got my new rost for work – really disappointed, I dropped my hours for a few months so I could spend more time at home but my roster has me working nearly every day.  Told my boss I may as well return to my full hours, I was so looking forward to lightening my load.

Paul is on holiday for the next three weeks, or who knows how long.  There are no guarantees as to where he will be working now, how many hours etc since the store is closing soon.  We will be royally screwed if he is offered a job far from home – we can’t afford another car so it has to be within riding distance of home.

I can’t believe this is happening.  Everything was seeming difficult enough without his job change – I felt like it could be manageable, but now it’s all up in the air.  And he doesn’t seem to be all that worried, even making a joke about being a stay at home dad – not a chance in hell!  I have supported us for eight years, I think I’m entitled to a break!  I’m not kidding when I tell him I’ll probably die at work and won’t live long enough to enjoy retirement.  That’s certainly how it feels, I’ll never be free of that place, I don’t have a choice but to work.

Now that I’ve purged that ray of sunshine I might just head to bed.



Oh my god, dI’d I really just do that?  Did I really just open myself up, pour out some of the hurt for a complete stranger – all thewhile opening up to everyone for them to see my pain???  I hope so much that people don’t decide to read it.


I am beyond embarrassed, I don’tknow what came over me, other than a true desire to help someone see that surgery is not the answer.  I have laid myself bare to more criticism,  all the while dreading what others will be thinking of me – that loser failed at something that is so easy.  How pathetic to fail something so easy!

I just want to curl up and die.